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This blog post is given in letter style
Agent Hwee Teng responds to the debate notion: a man can marry a woman so long as he sticks with her long enough (ie for eternity). Her response was:
"I have to disagree with Mark on this point. I don't think marrying a woman is about sticking with her long enough as in this case, it involves interpersonal communication and relationship. Two people of absolutely conflicting characters will find it hard to fall in love with each other even though they stick around each other for a long time. I believe that two people should only get married if they love each other, and not just because they are used to each other."
Hey Hwee Teng, how was today? Sorry for misleading you, but my statement automatically includes all the interpersonal stuff!
What I was really referring to, Hwee Teng, was more of the hard times when spouses in a relationship somehow lose their interpersonal touch due to over-familiarity over time and start to stray, and think they need to abruptly terminate the marriage. Now that is when I will demand they stick with each other according to "till death do us apart!!!!!!” Why? Because there is VIRTUE in DOING THE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE, OR LIKING THE THINGS OR BODIES YOU HAVE GROWN SICK/TIRED OF. You see Hwee Teng, when a marriage relationship that started off so very interpersonal or loving or ROMANTIC deteriorates to something SEEMINGLY (Illusion) less interpersonal or less loving, WE SHOULDN’T BE ALARMED!!!!! Why? Because the kinda interpersonal and the kinda loving or love in the first 2-5 years of a blissful marriage IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE KINDA LOVING AND THE KINDA INTERPERSONAL 7-10 YEARS INTO THE MARRIAGE!!!!! I’ve never been married and I’m not speaking from experience, but from other couples experiences whether Asians or Westerners!
You see Hwee Teng, a young marriage will almost certainly lose the kinda young and hot-blooded, overtrustful, romantic interpersonal nature because PEOPLE CHANGE AND SO DO THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES. For instance Hwee Teng, a husband don’t remain in a childless circumstance forever, because very soon he will have children, and then sooner later, he may decide to add to his brood. So his circumstances are changing when every 2 years he decides to have a new baby. More importantly though Hwee Teng, the husband himself who is human is changing himself, even if his circumstances don’t change. Why? Because his agent is constantly shaped by views and expectations of and from society, nation and the world, while he himself is shaping those views and expectations himself. All these changes Hwee Teng, will inevitably have some effect on his family/personal life, no matter how strong he is in these areas. And so therefore the nature of his interpersonal will bound to change as his circumstances change, himself changed, as his wife changes also. CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE is the ONLY CONSTANT!!!!!!! The worst thing that can happen is when the marriage changes for the worst rather than the better!! But you see Hwee Teng, strong marriages MUST ALWAYS CHANGE FOR THE WORST BEFORE IT CHANGES FOR THE BETTER!!!!!!! So do you see my point Hwee Teng, the difficult marriage relationship that has been stricken with poor interpersonal communication/relations IS GAME FOR SPOUSES TO DEVELOP AND BUILD THEIR LOVE (NON ROMANTIC, RATHER IS MORE AGAPE) TO GREATER HEIGHTS!!!!!!!!!
So that is why Hwee Teng, you have to not disagree with me, if I assume you had the right view and value of marriage as I did: but it was fine if it’s otherwise!
Spouses are to STICK WITH EACH OTHER in times of hardship and lack of interpersonal relations if only so that IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR THEM TO MAKE THE TRANSITION INTO A DIFFERENT KINDA MARRIAGE LOVE that is non-romantic. But alas, spouses CANNOT SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, and seeing other couples divorce, they themselves consider divorce as the most optimum option after 5 years or maybe 10 years or whatever, because precisely they are SHAPED BY SOCIETY’S HABITS, TENDENCIES, AGENCIES. A premarital man and woman must be in no illusion about the kinda LOVE they think their young relationship will possess forever, because that is totally false and guilty of watching too much Hollywood ‘love’ movies. They must understand that when turmoil strikes in a relationship and interpersonal relations sour, and dislike or lack of attraction occurs, I will demand they make themselves ATTRACTED TO THINGS OR BODIES THEY AREN’T ATTRACTED TO ANYMORE, and I will demand that they BE INTERPERSONAL (NON ROMANTIC INTERPERSONAL) OR BE RE-INTERPERSONAL WITH THINGS OR BODIES THEY NO LONGER SEEM TO WANT TO BE INTERPERSONAL WITH, BECAUSE THAT IS TRUE AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, the kinda love that couples really gave their VOWS to, not the young and romantic one. For if couples only needed to stick around as long as their romantic love can endure, what in the whole world is a vow of marriage for?????????!!!?!?! They could just switch lovers or spouses as easily as they would the gears in a motor vehicle!!!!!!!! What virtue is that to be, or that it ceases to be????!!!!!??!!?!!
Alas Hwee Teng, I know you are human, and you would easily divorce a hubby who SEEM to stop being interpersonal with you, and so therefore read that his love has ceased. Why? Because again you are human and will inevitably be emotionally, then mentally and physically affected. But Hwee Teng, that is the NATURAL AND EASY WAY OUT, THE WAY THAT IS FAST, SIMPLY, STRAIGHTFORWARD, ONE WHERE YOU DON’T NEED TO WORK FOR ITS IMPROVEMENT WHATSOEVER, and romantic love is like that, you don’t ever need to work for it because if you feel romance which is very easy to feel (infactuation) you feel it thereof you have it: BUT AGAPE (UNBELIEVABLE AND UNCONDITIONAL) LOVE IS FROM ANOTHER WORLD, IT IS VERY VERY DIFFERENT!!!!! HweeTeng, you would be demonstrating agape love if you did these things: 1) Demonstrate your surreal loyalty both to your stray hubby as well as the marriage vow at the altar, 2) Keep loving and showing your husband acts of nonromantic or even romantic love despite his no longer showing you any affection, by perhaps making him a cup of tea every night before he sleeps because he has hypertension or otherwise, 3) You feel extremely hurt and heart-breaking that your hubby is disregarding, ignoring and despising you, BUT THAT YOU STILL CONTINUE TO STICK BY HIM AND LOVE HIM WITH ALL THE LITTLE ACTS OF CARE, CONCERN, KINDNESS OR OTHERWISE.
Point number 3 is the best example of agape love, love despite your heart aching like nothing Shakespeare can ever describe even!!!!!!!!!! And a love that you have to work VERY HARD FOR TO PERFECT, AND A LOVE YOU MAY EVEN HAVE TO SWEAT BLOOD AND PUT TO SOME KIND OF PHYSICAL OR MENTAL TORTURE OR TRIAL!!!!!!!!!!! And a love that essentially TEST THE NOBILITY OF YOUR SPIRIT/HEART/PSYCHE/MIND/N
What I was really referring to, Hwee Teng, was more of the hard times when spouses in a relationship somehow lose their interpersonal touch due to over-familiarity over time and start to stray, and think they need to abruptly terminate the marriage. Now that is when I will demand they stick with each other according to "till death do us apart!!!!!!” Why? Because there is VIRTUE in DOING THE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE, OR LIKING THE THINGS OR BODIES YOU HAVE GROWN SICK/TIRED OF. You see Hwee Teng, when a marriage relationship that started off so very interpersonal or loving or ROMANTIC deteriorates to something SEEMINGLY (Illusion) less interpersonal or less loving, WE SHOULDN’T BE ALARMED!!!!! Why? Because the kinda interpersonal and the kinda loving or love in the first 2-5 years of a blissful marriage IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE KINDA LOVING AND THE KINDA INTERPERSONAL 7-10 YEARS INTO THE MARRIAGE!!!!! I’ve never been married and I’m not speaking from experience, but from other couples experiences whether Asians or Westerners!
You see Hwee Teng, a young marriage will almost certainly lose the kinda young and hot-blooded, overtrustful, romantic interpersonal nature because PEOPLE CHANGE AND SO DO THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES. For instance Hwee Teng, a husband don’t remain in a childless circumstance forever, because very soon he will have children, and then sooner later, he may decide to add to his brood. So his circumstances are changing when every 2 years he decides to have a new baby. More importantly though Hwee Teng, the husband himself who is human is changing himself, even if his circumstances don’t change. Why? Because his agent is constantly shaped by views and expectations of and from society, nation and the world, while he himself is shaping those views and expectations himself. All these changes Hwee Teng, will inevitably have some effect on his family/personal life, no matter how strong he is in these areas. And so therefore the nature of his interpersonal will bound to change as his circumstances change, himself changed, as his wife changes also. CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE is the ONLY CONSTANT!!!!!!! The worst thing that can happen is when the marriage changes for the worst rather than the better!! But you see Hwee Teng, strong marriages MUST ALWAYS CHANGE FOR THE WORST BEFORE IT CHANGES FOR THE BETTER!!!!!!! So do you see my point Hwee Teng, the difficult marriage relationship that has been stricken with poor interpersonal communication/relations IS GAME FOR SPOUSES TO DEVELOP AND BUILD THEIR LOVE (NON ROMANTIC, RATHER IS MORE AGAPE) TO GREATER HEIGHTS!!!!!!!!!
So that is why Hwee Teng, you have to not disagree with me, if I assume you had the right view and value of marriage as I did: but it was fine if it’s otherwise!
Spouses are to STICK WITH EACH OTHER in times of hardship and lack of interpersonal relations if only so that IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR THEM TO MAKE THE TRANSITION INTO A DIFFERENT KINDA MARRIAGE LOVE that is non-romantic. But alas, spouses CANNOT SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, and seeing other couples divorce, they themselves consider divorce as the most optimum option after 5 years or maybe 10 years or whatever, because precisely they are SHAPED BY SOCIETY’S HABITS, TENDENCIES, AGENCIES. A premarital man and woman must be in no illusion about the kinda LOVE they think their young relationship will possess forever, because that is totally false and guilty of watching too much Hollywood ‘love’ movies. They must understand that when turmoil strikes in a relationship and interpersonal relations sour, and dislike or lack of attraction occurs, I will demand they make themselves ATTRACTED TO THINGS OR BODIES THEY AREN’T ATTRACTED TO ANYMORE, and I will demand that they BE INTERPERSONAL (NON ROMANTIC INTERPERSONAL) OR BE RE-INTERPERSONAL WITH THINGS OR BODIES THEY NO LONGER SEEM TO WANT TO BE INTERPERSONAL WITH, BECAUSE THAT IS TRUE AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, the kinda love that couples really gave their VOWS to, not the young and romantic one. For if couples only needed to stick around as long as their romantic love can endure, what in the whole world is a vow of marriage for?????????!!!?!?! They could just switch lovers or spouses as easily as they would the gears in a motor vehicle!!!!!!!! What virtue is that to be, or that it ceases to be????!!!!!??!!?!!
Alas Hwee Teng, I know you are human, and you would easily divorce a hubby who SEEM to stop being interpersonal with you, and so therefore read that his love has ceased. Why? Because again you are human and will inevitably be emotionally, then mentally and physically affected. But Hwee Teng, that is the NATURAL AND EASY WAY OUT, THE WAY THAT IS FAST, SIMPLY, STRAIGHTFORWARD, ONE WHERE YOU DON’T NEED TO WORK FOR ITS IMPROVEMENT WHATSOEVER, and romantic love is like that, you don’t ever need to work for it because if you feel romance which is very easy to feel (infactuation) you feel it thereof you have it: BUT AGAPE (UNBELIEVABLE AND UNCONDITIONAL) LOVE IS FROM ANOTHER WORLD, IT IS VERY VERY DIFFERENT!!!!! HweeTeng, you would be demonstrating agape love if you did these things: 1) Demonstrate your surreal loyalty both to your stray hubby as well as the marriage vow at the altar, 2) Keep loving and showing your husband acts of nonromantic or even romantic love despite his no longer showing you any affection, by perhaps making him a cup of tea every night before he sleeps because he has hypertension or otherwise, 3) You feel extremely hurt and heart-breaking that your hubby is disregarding, ignoring and despising you, BUT THAT YOU STILL CONTINUE TO STICK BY HIM AND LOVE HIM WITH ALL THE LITTLE ACTS OF CARE, CONCERN, KINDNESS OR OTHERWISE.
Point number 3 is the best example of agape love, love despite your heart aching like nothing Shakespeare can ever describe even!!!!!!!!!! And a love that you have to work VERY HARD FOR TO PERFECT, AND A LOVE YOU MAY EVEN HAVE TO SWEAT BLOOD AND PUT TO SOME KIND OF PHYSICAL OR MENTAL TORTURE OR TRIAL!!!!!!!!!!! And a love that essentially TEST THE NOBILITY OF YOUR SPIRIT/HEART/PSYCHE/MIND/N
The question Hwee Teng, is whether you are up for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers
Cheers
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